REGARDING A SEASON OF SELF-REFLECTION
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…”
– Ecclesiastes 3
I’m not always good with seasonal change. I tend to hang on a little too long and I am slow to adapt. It’s almost like I refuse to recognize the changes as they are posed before me. In the natural, it’s a little more easily understood. We expect summer’s green to morph into autumn’s brown. We expect the cold of winter to fade as spring creeps in. While our bodies don’t always like it, we know that natural seasons come and go and we learn to prepare for them. But in the spirit, the shuffle of divisional times is often more difficult to perceive.
I’m currently feeling the shifting of seasons. Yes, it’s getting colder, but what I’m referencing is a spiritual turning of the tide. The season that is beginning to show it’s colors appears familiar. I’ve been in it’s presence before. I recognize it’s abrupt accession. It carries the charm of a slap to the face. It’s a rude awakening that is only noticed by the hurt that is felt from the inability to recognize it’s existence in a timely manner. It’s a season that brings questions. It offers the opportunity to doubt. It’s a season that most people, including myself, want to quickly get through. There’s even a tendency to pretend it isn’t real or at least isn’t a season for you to take part in. The season I speak of, while often unwanted and difficult to endure, is one that if properly embraced can lead us into new and fruitful times of growth and forward motion. I will call it the season of self-reflection.
This just so happens to be a personal season. It’s not one that I should or would project onto others in a corporate manner. Not everyone will be in this season at the same time, but I do believe that everyone will experience it at one time or another. I realized this season was upon me when I noticed that there were people in my life that had perceptions of me that I wasn’t fond of. When your motives are questioned and relationships suffer, there are two ways to react.
The first, which is often the one I go to, is to ignore people’s opinions and believe that the only perception that matters is the one that you have of yourself. It’s often easier to stubbornly maintain a position of “knowing your identity” when relationships fall apart than it is to question the common denominator (you) in the failing equation. There is definitely a place for hanging on to your values and not being swayed by other people’s impressions or attitudes toward you. But, when you begin to notice a trail of confusion, isolation and hurt, it’s always wise to take a pause and turn your attention inward.
The second reaction is one that requires humility, patience and vulnerability. Three traits that haven’t always been highlighted segments of my personality. For six years I have learned about and found confidence in my identity as a son in the Kingdom of God. I have allowed the Lord to solidify that truth in my heart. I have taken authority over countering thoughts in my mind. I can now admit that all the focus on me and my heart and mind has probably lead to moments of disregard or blindness to others around me. At times, it has created a callousness to relationships. And when one or two or many of them sour, I’ve quickly gone to defense mode and decided that no other opinion or perception of me was valid enough to consider. But, sometimes the Holy Spirit gets your attention and you have no choice but to call a timeout to assess.
And that leads me to the moment I am in now. This season of self-reflection wasn’t easy for me to embrace. And I was a little slow to recognize the shift that was coming. Whether it was pride or insecurity or something outside of my understanding, my heart and mind weren’t prepared for the sudden change in spiritual weather. It may have seemed like familiar territory at first but I’ve come to realize that obedience often leads to uncomfortable moments that precede the arrival of the Holy Spirit, a.k.a the comforter.
Self-reflection isn’t just a matter of spending time thinking of all the issues you might have. It’s not just about getting alone and trying to figure out the changes you need to make. While that might be the initial response to the season’s introduction, the real fruit comes from the invitation to relational vulnerability. When you are able to open up a dialogue with other people that you trust, the willingness to truly embrace the moment is realized and the freedom that ensues can unlock the door to the next season.
I’ve spent the early portion of this new season confessing my lack of knowledge and desiring an eagerness to learn. I’ve asked a small circle of trusted friends for their participation in honesty and frankness in finding areas that I would consider blind spots. I’ve basically asked them to play the part of a mirror, showing me a reflection of myself and providing me a point of view outside of my own. I’ve had to give them permission to be real and sincere with their assessments. They’ve chosen to be prayerful and have promised to hold no punches with things that are revealed as harmful or needing repair. It’s not easy. It’s not particularly fun. But, I’ve already found freedom in the simple act of obedience that is necessary in a season such as this. I’m believing that an ability to better steward relationships is in the works.
Does this sound familiar to you? Does this sound like something the Lord is calling you into? If any of this has rung a bell or pulled a string in your heart, maybe your season is shifting too. Maybe you find yourself as the common factor in a number of fleeting relationships. Maybe you have found out that people have a perception or opinion of you that doesn’t line up with the view you have of yourself. Is there a shift coming? Is it time for an assessment? Maybe, just maybe, now is your time to embrace a season of self-reflection. It may seem difficult. It may seem scary. But it might just be the most fruitful season you and I will ever experience.
